I’ve been of the mat for some weeks now and it feels strange, I’ve been on the boat, doing nothing and just relaxing. Have I done any yoga on the boat? At a minimal, doing backbends when the foundation isn’t stable is scary, and that is a title for another post.
Yesterday as we came back to town I took a class and it was as you could expect any first class when been away for awhile. Interesting sensations.
Instead of doing tons of yoga I have been thinking of things in my life and especially about the intake of food.
* If I eat fast, nobody will notice how much I eat as I will finish before everybody else.
This was a fun one to spot as when eating fast the food does not get as chewed as it should and I eat a lot more that I should as I don’t feel when it is enough and then I get stuffed.
* If I eat fast there will be more for me.
This one is a bit tricky but for examlple a candy bowl. If I eat it all fast I don’t need to share as much as it is gone.
* Eating for keeping the emotions in place.
When happy, excited, angry, upset, bored, worried, or any other emotion over the “normal” it is good to eat to reduce the feelings and to keep them in place. Especially upset and anger goes into this category and especially at work where it is harder to handle the emotions in a good way.
The other day I bought a bag of candy and it had been 1.5 weeks since I last ate some candy and I did as I usually do, I ate them kind of fast. I felt the suger rush, it was horrible when all that suger came into the bloodstream. As I was watching TV I had to wiggle my feet and walk around and do things instead as it was tickeling and itching on the inside of the flesh of the legs.
One interesting thing to think about is when and how this kind of behavour started? Why have I needed this behaviour in the first place? What triggered it? One thing for sure is that it goes way back into my young years.
The eating when upset, angry, etc comes from when my mother still lived with my father. My father is one of those with a slightly psycotic temper and did not like noisy kids. I can imagen for the house-peace it was easier to give me something to eat on to keep me calm than to calm the father. Do I need this behaviour now? No, the contact with the father is at a minimal and today I know that if I do anything that upsets anybody the grown-up way to do is to talk about it.
So here is one of the keys. When not being able to talk about what upsets me with the person involved, makes me want to eat to be able to handle my emotions.
I need a lot more of contemplating on the food issues I have in my life. The fun thing about this is when finding one loose string to get rid of, there comes a lot more.