Breakthrough

Hello world!

It’s not so often that I do write at the moment, it has been much lately so when I come home it is food, fix with the household and then bed to be ready for a new day.

I started another 30 day challenge with the studio. Today is day 12.

This challenge is such a different challenge from the others that I have done.

It all started a couple of months ago when I felt that my lower back and hips started to open up. That area has been so tight that my 2 m tall, former basket-ball player with hands like a toilete lid, chiropractor hasn’t been able to adjust it. He has been using massage, stretching and acupunture, but nothing has helped. Hip area stuff and stuck as a cement-block. Something started and then came the pain. The pain has been there in every class, like little knifes digging around in almost every posture. Can you imagen Wind Removing or Half Tortoise beeing painful? Camel, Triangle, Balancing Stick or Stadning Head to knee is understandable.

It has been tough, it has been painful, it has been emotional.

Slowly it has become better, less painful and I have become stronger.

Yesterday I did a double, 7 am and 6 pm and in the evening class something poped in the hip area. When walking home from the bus it was so strange to walk, like the hips didn’t really know how to do this motion anymore. It was so totally wiered.

Today the hips where sore and I feel that I do walk a bit different than before. During class it was amazing, the first class in a long time that was totally pain free. This is what I have been working towards for so long now that I had almost forgotten how it was to have class where it feels like I am working in the postures to a greater depth and not meeting the pain and having to breath though and into it. Pain releases something in the body that, at least for me, makes me quite a bit overwhelmed.

I guess it will be a bumpy road from here and I will still have classes meeting the knives but it feels like I am over the huge mountain and it will only get better from here.

It is all up to me

Hello World!

It’s been some of those crazy weeks again. Lots of work, with the totally moment for everybdoy to be able to take responsibility for their actions. My learning is that I have to and can say: No. No we can’t develop this in the short timespan that you give us if you want some kind of quality to go with it. I like my job and as long as I learn something everyday it is a great job.

I alone are the one who chooses how I feel about all the things that happens around and with me.

During this week I only had the possibility to go to one class and it was 8 days since the previous class. That is not my normal routine. But it happens when things at work piles up.

After a kind of rough standing series and the painful spine strengthening, in one of the the Savasanas my body was so happy and I just layed there with a huge smile on my face. Then the little man on the other shoulder came out and wispered in my ear: How can you allow yourself to be happy, it is 8 days since your last class, your back hurts, your stomach hurts and that is by definition the entire you – be miserable!

I could at that moment choose to be miserable. Did I? No, I choose to be happy.

It would have been easier to be miserable as then I could have skipped some postures, layed there and feeling pity for myself in my miserable state, and ofcourse, I did consider this, but somewhere deep inside me I choose and decided, No I will not go that path today, today I will choose to go the happy path.

Every day and every moment there is the possibility to choose how to feel, if we can choose the happy path once it is so much easier the next time.

Mama give me money

The last weeks this little part of the dialogue has started to work itself into my mind and the meaning of it.

I have come to the conclusion that it is brilliant!

First some background.
I don’t know how it is in the rest of the world but in Sweden we don’t like to be loud where people can hear us say “stupid” things. So if a teacher would say “Say: Mama give me money” very few would say it out load and you really se how everybody gets embarressed. So then many teachers skip it.

But think of it.
Palm facing up – If you do that you open yourself up to something. So often we think that we can handle everything ourselves and don’t need any help from anybody.
Mama – Is somebody that cares for your and wants the absolutely best for you. It doesn’t have to be your physical mama, just a person that cares for you.
Give me mone – Obviously, please give me something of great value that I do need. Most of us need money and it is a great word to use for something with value as money in itself holds a value.
You’re holding the money in your hand – By asking for it, you got it.

It is so beautiful.
I am opening up myself so that someone that cares a lot for me can give me something of great value, if I just ask for it, and I will allow it to happen.

So truely beautiful.